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The Old Ball & Chain
2007-06-18 10:19:48

In past entries I've noticed some of you furrowing your brows in a vain attempt to understand references to a "MODAM." FORTUNATELY FOR YOU, I HAVE TAKEN PITY ON YOUR PATHETIC TWO-LOBED BRAINS AND WILL ALLEVIATE YOUR CONFUSION!!!

Now as I am sure most of you already suspect, I've always been something of a Ladies' Head. Few can resist my powers of seduction, or, more accurately, my powers of mental enslavement, which let me tell you gents, if you can get them, do wonders for your love life.

Not even Carol Danvers, the so-called "Ms. Marvel," was able to keep her hands off me once she caught a whiff of my psychic musk:

She was nice enough--for a hero--but I didn't like her kissing. It was a little too...well, "Kree" for me.

Also, she didn't do it for me physically. I think it had to do with her face. Basically, it was too proportionate to the rest of her body.

After a while, I also had my eye on a girl I met through a mutual colleague, the Hulk. Her name was Dr. Kate Waynesboro, but you see? I had the same problem:

I didn't dig what was between her hair and her neck, you know? I like big heads, and I do not lie.

BUT FORTUNATELY, THIS IS A PROBLEM GLORIOUS SUPER SCIENCE CAN SOLVE WITH RIDICULOUS EASE!!

Once I had Kate in my power I gave her...er..."cranial implants" and transformed her into MS. MODOK!

HELLO, NURSE! It's like I always say:

"The couple that slays together, stays together."

But when you get older, Interweb, you'll understand that the problem with relationships is that a lot of people get into them projecting onto the other person qualities they'd like them to have, blinding themselves to the qualities that person--or mutated human--does have.

In the case of Ms. MODOK, as soon as we moved into the same secret lair together, she got all up in my grill with, "You know, your callous disregard for human life is really disturbing to me."

And I'm all like, "YOU CAN'T CHANGE ME BABY! I'M DESIGNED ONLY FOR KILLING! WHAT PART OF 'DESIGNED ONLY FOR KILLING' DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? I MEAN I TOLD YOU WHAT MY ACRONYM STOOD FOR ON OUR FIRST DATE AND EVERYTHING!"

Things pretty much went downhill from there, until one day I came home to find my spare hoverchairs and cadre of goons in a pile out on the sidewalk in front of my headquarters.

BUT MY MERCILESS A.I.M. LEGIONS ENSURED I WOULD NOT BE LONELY FOR LONG! For just as I, a lowly A.I.M. math tech, was transformed into the most advanced mental being of this or any age, they subjected a random "Hooters" waitress to the same technique (while drunk, if I remember the story correctly), and came up with this sweet piece of girlmeat:

YOU CAN LOOK BUT YOU CAN'T TOUCH, BOYS! THIS ONE'S TAKEN!!

Let's go through the "MODOK's Type Checklist"

Big head? Check.

Callous disregard for human life?

DOUBLE CHECK!

Cool name?

Well, let me put it this way: MODAM is a Mental Organism Designed for Aggressive Maneuvers.

Now, I don't like to kiss and tell, but...

WHEN THE LIGHTS ARE OUT THAT IS ONE ACCURATE ACRONYM!!! WHOO-BABY!

EWWW!
...this is...one of the most incredibly disturbing things...that last bit aboot the acronym's accuracy...think I...I just threw up in my mouth...

Posted by JAK8 on 2007-06-18 10:50:07

Uhh...
When you were building up to a cliche, and went with:

"The couple that slays together, stays together."

I was, instead, expecting:

"Two Heads are better than one."

Silly me.

Posted by PseudoSherlock on 2007-06-18 12:17:53

MODOK,
We all deserve to be happy. I am glad for you that happiness is as simple as a finding a homicidal woman with a hat size of 138 3/4, world domination, and mercilessly disposing of all who would oppose you.

Posted by bigdaddyhub2 on 2007-06-18 12:32:06

Is M.O.D.A.M. a mental organism... on skis?

Well, I suppose human life in snowy places deserves to be callously disregarded too.

Posted by NielsVanEekelen on 2007-06-18 12:37:51

Yummy Granny
Actually, Niels, I think it's a "hover-rocker."

Posted by I MODOK on 2007-06-18 12:58:07

Yikes!
MODOK:

You really need to clean your beer goggles. Yikes!

Posted by friskydingo on 2007-06-18 14:18:00

Relationships take work and evil
Fearless and unsurpassable MODOK I agree that you may have found the happiness you deserve. But I feel it my duty to remind you that all relationships take work. Don't let things get stale by repeating the same old maiming and killing routine. At times you may want to add flowers, jewelry or torture of feeble minded humans prior to destruction just to keep things interesting. Also don't forget the importance of communication in staying together as a couple. I might recommend asking if she has a particular earth hemisphere she would like to obliterate before you do it yourself. If she wants to destroy the same spots as you try to come up with a compromise and don't forget that while carnage and death may be fun, it is the quiet moments of cuddling that matter.

Posted by comicsfan001 on 2007-06-18 17:22:34

Hover-rocker? Come on MODOK!

Posted by bigdaddyhub2 on 2007-06-18 21:29:00

wow
ihave no comment

Posted by tarhaun on 2007-06-18 23:56:32

Knockin' heads? Head banging?

{{{shudder}}}

Posted by beta-ray on 2007-06-19 00:39:00

Marvelous M.O.D.O.K.,

There was no new application test this past Monday--please tell us this does not mean the position of henchman has already been filled? Surely, the casualty rates among your minions are high enough that some of us can still be of use to you?

Yours employably,
Niels van Eekelen

Posted by NielsVanEekelen on 2007-06-19 15:16:04

Fear Not Applicants!
Due to the exceptional number of pictures involved, the delay in uploading "The Old Ball & Chain" required bumping Question 4 of the Job Interview to next week! But it shall return then as glorious as before -- to separate you pitiful whiny girls from glorious A.I.M. scientist/stormtroopers!!

Posted by I MODOK on 2007-06-19 21:17:34

You sure like them top heavy, don't you

Posted by myth1602 on 2007-06-21 11:01:22

congratulations
I wish you both the best in your new life together as you struggle to bring order and stability to this fractured and chaotic multiverse.

Posted by CaptainAmazing on 2007-06-22 11:48:22

The love of my life!
M.O.D.O.K. i dont mind you showing off your collection of lovely ladies from your past, but dont show off the love of my life Ms. Marvel. Carol and i have had an on again off again relationship and she means everything to me ok! Wait until i get cranial implants and challange you to a game of basketball. How you like them apples!

Posted by mudblood1201 on 2007-06-23 01:07:45

Array

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About this blog:
BLOGDOK is the psychotic ramblings of a Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing. Or is it merely a decoy for a far more sinister plot? I, MODOK, have over 2,459 wholly separate plans for world domination running simultaneously in my highly advanced 144-lobed brain, so not even I know for sure!

About the author:
I, MODOK, first appeared in Tales of Suspense #94, created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby ("If This Be MODOK", Oct. '67) and I have been the butt of jokes about my giant head ever since. But now I shall have my revenge! IN BLOG FORM!!!


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