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COSBY CASTS FRANKLIN RICHARDS
2007-10-23 15:00:20
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[Editor's note: Neither Marvel Entertainment nor Marvel Studios endorses the insane casting ramblings of Mr. Nate Cosby. This is for sheer entertainment purposes only and should in no way be viewed as something official. At all. Seriously. Don't go blogging about new casting choices you read here, 'cuz you'd be spreading lies. Horrible, horrible lies. Onto the show...]
For those of you reading this that don’t know me, let me tell ya: I have power. MASSIVE, ridiculous, mind-blowing amounts of power. I roll up in this here Marvel office and yell, “’ey! I’m the most powerful guy in here!” And NOBODY questions me.
(…because it’s 6:30 in the morning, so no one else is there. Also, I’m a very soft yeller.)
So let me tell ya: When I decide to cast a Marvel movie, it MEANS something.
(it probably means you’re going to waste your time reading something by a menial guy from Mississippi that does odd lists for fun, but hey…that means something, right?)
What movie am I going to do cast first? Psh. Easy.
FRANKLIN RICHARDS!!!!
For those of you that don’t know Franklin Richards is the son of Reed Richards and Sue Storm Richards. The version of him that I edit (the “caffeinated” version, as I like to call it) stars an overly precocious Franklin that likes to cause madness and mayhem in and around his dad’s laboratory in the FF’s headquarters. His companion, a robot by the name of H.E.R.B.I.E., looks after Frank, trying to keep him from stealing his dad’s inventions and generally destroying the entire Earth.
Got it? Good.
Ok, let’s pretend the Fantastic Four movies never happened, because I don’t think Jessica Alba should have kids. Ever. I’m sorry. It’s just my belief.
Also, I love Ioan Gruffudd, because his name is funny (and it's pronounced "Yawn"). But he was waaaaaaay better in the Horatio Hornblower BBC movies (yeah, I watch BBC. What?). So it’s recasting time.
FRANKLIN RICHARDS – Y’gotta go with a complete unknown. Give a blonde-haired kid a Snickers and two Red Bulls, turn the camera on, watch him work. When time machines are up and running (hurry up, Doc Brown), I suggest going to Memphis, Tennessee, circa 1986, when I was taking no naps and driving my mom nuts. Until then, make sure whoever you get hasn’t taken an acting class. Acting class kids kinda creep me out.
H.E.R.B.I.E. – Awright, you’ve gotta have an exasperated electronic voice of authority. I’m going with Jay Baruchel from Undeclared and Knocked Up fame. He’s always juuuuust this side of totally freaking out. Add a little T-Pain synth to his voice, and y’got the H.E.R.B.ster.
REED RICHARDS/MISTER FANTASTIC – Kids, with your parents permission, find Norm McDonald’s Fantastic Four skit on-line, where he play Reed. Hilarrrrrious.
Anyway, he’s gotta be a little older. Nobody buys young guys with gray hair (except Steve Martin in the 70’s, and that only counts cuz he went gray all over). I’m going Russell Crowe. He’s really good at pretending to be smart (see A Beautiful Mind, even though I didn’t see it) and he’s really good at fighting (see every time he tries to check into a hotel in New York City). And he’s getting towards gray age.
SUE STORM RICHARDS/INVISIBLE WOMAN – Ok. Now. I’m generally from the old-school, where the mom’s in kid comedies should NOT be hot (see Home Alone, Goonies). But IW is going to be in spandex a lot, so you don’t need to go casting Queen Latifah. That’s why I’m going to go Evangeline Lily. She’s astonishingly pretty, but not so gorgeous that it’s distracting. Oh, and hey! Hair and makeup people! If I see you holding a bottle of blonde dye anywhere CLOSE to Ms. Lily, you’re goin’ down. World ain’t gonna crumble if Sue’s a brunette.
BEN GRIMM/THE THING – Now, Chiklis wasn’t a bad hire at all. But we’re starting over, so let’s see what we can do to get Grimmy a little bigger in the shoulders, and cast Craig T. Nelson. Yeah, he’s too old, but I’m not casting an origin movie. Just gotta hear his voice. He gets all gruff and there’s your Ben Grimm.
(NOTE: I am NOT some Johnny-come-lately when it comes to Craig T. Nelson. I didn’t cast him because he was awesome in The Incredibles, which he was. I’m a devoted Poltergeist/Troop Beverly Hills/Coach/The District Craig T. Nelson fan. If I ever do another casting post, even money says Craig T. Nelson’s getting cast. Mad props to the T. Nelson.)
JOHNNY STORM/THE HUMAN TORCH – I’m going younger here. He’s a punk. Let’s go with Taylor Kitsch, aka Tim Riggins from Friday Night Lights (WATCH that show). He’d have to stop hitting the weights for a couple months, but he’d probably be pretty good at catching fire and flying around.
DR. DOOM – Doesn’t matter. Dude wears a mask. Next!
HAMSTER – Yes. There will be a hamster. And he will NOT be CGI. Either Frank Oz controls him, or we put peanut butter in his mouth (like Mister Ed) or something, but the days of CGI animals is OVER. It worked in Babe, hasn’t worked since.
I’m gonna put Alec Baldwin’s voice in his mouth. And he can use his fake-raspy thing sometimes, but other times he’s gotta break out the Glengarry Glen Ross voice. (you’re too young, kids. Watch the bleeped-out version on cable)
HULK – Yeah, he’ll show up. Let’s make him real. Real and dumb. I’m gonna make The Rock wear a wig and spend TWICE as much time in the gym. I want them neck veins to be juuuust about to pop. Then he can yell things like “HULK LIKE CANDY!” or “HULK NOT LIKE SOCKS!” or “CAN SMELL WHAT HULK COOKING!?” It’d be fun.
WRITER – Well, Chris Eliopoulos is doing the storyboards, and both he and Marc Sumerak are script consultants, but we’ll hire Tina Fey to write this puppy, because she did Mean Girls and she had a kid a while ago, so she’ll want to do something that’s G-rated that she can show the offspring.
DIRECTOR – Danny Boyle. Yeah yeah yeah, he directed the not-so-sunny Trainspotting and 28 Days Later. But y’know what? He also directed Millions, which is one of the best movies primarily starring kids of the last decade. He knows how to direct ‘em, he knows how they actually act (not how Hollywood THINKS they act) and he’s a great storyteller (bet he’s got kids too).
Go ahead! Argue. But I’m starting production tomorrow.
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So-so
Your casting is OKAY...but I disagree with your whole Sue statement! While I wouldn't mind her as Sue, you're wrong if you don't think she's distractingly pretty. She's drop-dead GORGEOUS!! AND YES, THE WORLD WILL CRUMBLE IF SHE'S NOT BLONDE!!! Why shouldn't she be!?! That's how she's recognised! ::sigh:: You're so wrong on this one.
But you're so RIGHT about Craig T. Nelson!!!!! I was a huge Coach fan and I've loved him since I was a little girl!! He'd be an awesome Thing! :)
Also love Tina Fey!
But so wrong about not-blonde Sue...
Posted by Jen Grunwald on 2007-10-26 13:37:09
Sue
Sue has to be blond period. Her not being blond is like having a Nightcrawler who green instead of blue. Just doesn't work. Makes you stop believing in the story right from the start. Sue blond, Kurt blue with fur. Nuff said.
Posted by nitecrala on 2007-10-28 10:16:48
Huh
Well, besides being completely random...
I also disagree about Sue. But in a different way. I don't think Jessica Alba's looks are a problem. I think that her body is distracting because there's nothing to look out of the eyes and focus on you. Someone can be very pretty (though I'd like to vote for NOT tanned) and still be worth listening to. So get someone attractive with blonde hair who has an intelligent personality and you're set. And, yeah, sorry, I'm not going to budge on the hair color either.
As for Ben, I suppose Mr. Nelson is okay. However, I'd question his ability to walk around in an overly hot, heavy foam-brick suit for however many hours a day it takes to get something right. Sometimes younger and stronger is necessary to keep up with those kind of stressful conditions. Or you could just pull a James Earl Jones/Darth Vader thing and leave Michael in, but have Nelson voice him. Or maybe that's stupid cause he has a visible mouth...
I really liked Chris Evans for Johnny. I think that's a case of: if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
As for Russel Crowe as Reed, I'm also not so sure. I think his biggest problem will be his ego. Reed has a confident ego as he knows his own capabilities, not an ego that gets him in fist fights in NY hotels. Even in A Beautiful Mind, you could still tell that Crowe thought real big of himself, even in scenes where he was "vulnerable".
Not that I have any better suggestions, mind you...
Posted by PseudoSherlock on 2007-10-30 14:11:18
Cool
I really hope they make a Franklin Richards movie! That would be so much fun. The comics are always realy funny, and it would be a good movie for the whole family. Nathan, if you can pull some strings around there and get this to happen.
Posted by gazelle1984 on 2007-10-30 18:34:57
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About this blog:
By day, he’s a mild-mannered comic book editor! By night, he’s an obsessive sports fan!
By early morning, he drinks coffee and then runs! He’s Nathan Cosby, and he has thoughts about things.
This is them.
 | About the author:
Nathan Cosby has somehow managed to become an assistant editor at Marvel Comics. He can make helicopter sounds with his tongue and edits Power Pack, Marvel Adventures Fantastic Four, Spider-Man Family and helps with all the other All-Age stuff. He is really good-looking and likes Gummi Bears.
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