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Design THIS!
2007-05-25 10:53:55

I DON'T BELIEVE IT! You never fail to amaze me, Interweb.

LESS THAN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS INTO MY BLOGGING CAREER AND ALREADY YOUR COMMENTS HAVE MANAGED TO ENRAGE ME!!!

To yesterday's inaugural posting of brilliance the one who calls himself PsuedoSherlock dared reply:

"However, I thought that article on you that you linked us to was pretty complimentary. You might want to consider NOT killing that guy.

Then again, that's sort of all you do. Huh?"

Listen up, PsuedoSherlock -- if that is your real name -- if your wise-acre remarks did not perfectly segue into what I wanted to talk about today anyway, that pizza delivery truck pulling up to your house would be filled with my beekeeper minions wielding miniguns set to "gooify."

Fortunately for you, however, your sass reminds me of something that happened in my local Starbucks the other day. I was waiting--well, floating--in line to order my daily mocha iced chai tea with soy milk, when the soccer mom in line in front of me turns around to say--now, keep in mind I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS WOMAN BEFORE IN MY LIFE--she says:

"Oh, I thought you were designed only for killing. Now you're waiting in line. Maybe we should call you MODOWIL, huh?"

And that's not all. When I mentioned to my Western Sector commander I had to cut our meeting short to update my blog, he was all like, "Did you get yourself redesigned only for blogging? Should we 'All Hail MODOB' from now on?"

I get this all the time. It happens when your name is a very specific acronym.

You know what I want to tell the literal-minded people who make cracks like this?

I want to point to an object in the room, like, say, a stool, and point out that, really, a stool is nothing more than Furniture Designed Only for Sitting. However, you can do other things with it.

Like, say, tame lions. We've all been to the circus. We've all seen lion tamers. Who stands up in the middle of a show and says, "What are you doing? That's not Designed Only for Lion Taming! It's a FDOS, not a FDOLT, you dolt!" Nobody, that's who.

Or, take your pitiful two-lobed brain. Do you know what that is between your ears, what it's really designed for? That, sir, is a Threat Detection Device. Every aspect of your consciousness, from the memory to the senses to the imagination, is hard-wired to anticipate, recognize and evade life-threatening scenarios. Sure, you can do other things with your brain, like compose a song, solve a crossword puzzle or lie to your girlfriend. But that's not what it's designed for.

You ever wonder why the 6 o'clock local news leads with "25 car pile up kills 250" rather than "Firefighters save kitten from tree"? Why you have a tendency to remember the bad things that happen to you much more vividly than the good things? I'll tell you why: your brain is hardwired to focus on the negative, so as to keep you alive.

So, that big speech is what I want to say to people when they give me a hard time about being designed only for killing.

Instead, I usually just kill them. Unfortunately, it's a reflex that proves too powerful for me to resist most of the time.

After all, it's what I'm designed for.

So ... um ... I apologize to everyone that the Starbucks on Court & Dean in Brooklyn is going to be closed for remodeling for the next six weeks.

I made kind of a mess...

NEXT WEEK: The BLOGDOK Memorial Day Special, in which I share with you reminiscences about the many trusted minions of mine who have given up their lives in my service over the years, usually because they displeased me in some way.

Starbucks.
M.O.D.O.K.--

You know, of course, the old joke about how, if they can send a man to the moon, why can't they send them all there?

If you can kill one annoying person at Starbucks, can you please kill all of them?

Posted by jessnevins on 2007-05-25 13:19:18

two things
First of all, do you really need caffeine? REALLY? I mean, you're already on edge as is...

Secondly, all of us are glad you're talking out the rage. It's healthier and perhaps a bit more constructive than, oh, wanton death and mayhem.

Posted by msr.oresteus on 2007-05-25 13:32:29

CAFFEINE AND HATRED ARE THE TWIN FUELS OF MODOK!!

Well, that and glucose packs.

But I thank you for your concern, Msr. Oresteus.

Posted by I MODOK on 2007-05-25 13:57:36

Hmmm...
I shall consider your suggestion carefully, jessnevins...

Posted by I MODOK on 2007-05-25 13:58:52

Yeah, But
It's not the "overly specific name" bit. It's the "Only". When you're Designed Only For Killing, it becomes noteworthy when you start doing something that isn't killing. Like Blogging About Killing. It wouldn't be noteworthy if your name were something like Mobile Organism Designed Almost Exclusively for Killing, but Somtimes Also for Not Killing. But I suppose MODAEKSAN is a mouthful of a name.

Posted by Jer0 on 2007-05-25 14:16:15

Possible employment?
Dear M.O.D.O.C.K.

What sort of salary and benefits do you offer your henchmen? I only ask because I'm inbetween jobs and figure working for a sinister megalomaniac would look kinda good on the resume. I'm willing to do 50% travel. My previous crony experiences includes Wal-mart and our local library (our motto: read for success... or die!) I know how to operate a scan gun and am fairly certain the mechanics are simliar to that of a death phaser. Please respond if you wish to see a portfolio of diabolical devices and to set up an interview.

Posted by spiderstyk83 on 2007-05-25 14:50:06

Nice Job
Those Starbucks people got what they had comin' to 'em. I've never encounted so many people that acted like they were doing you a favor for doing their job. Keep it up MODOK.

Posted by friskydingo on 2007-05-25 15:04:28

MODOK Article Author
Don't play your word games with me, MODOK! We ALL know you're just going to go kill that guy, anyway! Even though my brain may have other uses, when the chips are down, I'M still going to "fight or flight" MY butt away from a giant headed guy in a floating chair.

After all, the first step to a genetically programmed addiction is to ADMIT you have a problem!

Posted by PseudoSherlock on 2007-05-25 15:57:58

Wait...
...Did MODOK just APOLOGISE for an act of extreme vioelnce, rather than REVEL in it?

Yikes. Guess AIM isn't all it's craked up to be, after all.

By the by - how come you never teamed up with Arnim Zola? He's got no head; you're all head; it wuld be perfect!

Posted by The Gecko on 2007-05-26 02:42:23

ok
this the creppiest bolg on this site,nuff' said

Posted by tarhaun on 2007-05-26 16:37:48

Kisses
I love you, MODOK!!!

Posted by PyroFangirl on 2007-05-27 00:22:27

Oooooo...kaaaaaay...
...The above is creepier.

Posted by The Gecko on 2007-05-27 03:52:54

What WOULD happen if MODOK got an itch? And how would he eat with his puny arms?

Posted by sononsj on 2007-05-27 11:20:12

nice stunts
modock

Posted by harry1234 on 2007-05-28 08:44:36

Why was my previous post about MODOK's puny hands deleted? There wasn't anything innapropiate in it.

Posted by sononsj on 2007-05-28 12:16:29

Patience, My Minions!
Fear not, sononsj, your post was not deleted. ALTHOUGH I DECIDE WHAT IS APPROPRIATE OR INAPPROPRIATE HERE!!!! It's just that this blog interface requires the user to approve some of the posts, but not others. What is the rhyme or reason to that? Unfortunately, because I have 2,459 wholly separate plans for world domination running simultaneously in my highly advanced 144-lobed brain, I do not have time to figure out why.

And I was off spending some quality time with MODAM (yes, we're working on a reconciliation, I'd rather not say more and possibly jinx it) for the long weekend, and so was unable to approve posts until now...

Posted by I MODOK on 2007-05-28 12:27:21

oh
so that's what happened so did u enjoy ur time with ms.marvel

Posted by tarhaun on 2007-05-28 12:44:52

Watch the Skies!
Or, rather Interweb, Tarhaun, for my interviews with the Ms. Marvel creative team to find out the answer to your question.

Posted by I MODOK on 2007-05-28 19:05:38

Thanks...
for the reply. Hey, MODOK, what are your feelings in having appeared in Marvel: Ultimate Alliance? Do you get royalties?

Posted by sononsj on 2007-05-28 20:42:05

nice
u replied thanx 4 tha info dude

Posted by tarhaun on 2007-05-28 23:15:31

'Nother Thing...
...What's it like to kiss Carol Danvers? Does she bite?

Posted by The Gecko on 2007-05-29 02:05:53

MODAM
Word 'round the campfire is that MODAM's nickname for you MODOK is the Mobile Organism Designed Only for Snuggling.

MODOS is a lover, not a fighter.

Posted by JAK8 on 2007-05-29 05:29:15

huh?

What the heck are you all talkin about?

Posted by All4Deadpool on 2007-05-29 20:01:25

Array

Enter a response to this blog post:

About this blog:
BLOGDOK is the psychotic ramblings of a Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing. Or is it merely a decoy for a far more sinister plot? I, MODOK, have over 2,459 wholly separate plans for world domination running simultaneously in my highly advanced 144-lobed brain, so not even I know for sure!

About the author:
I, MODOK, first appeared in Tales of Suspense #94, created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby ("If This Be MODOK", Oct. '67) and I have been the butt of jokes about my giant head ever since. But now I shall have my revenge! IN BLOG FORM!!!


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