Once again shall I reiterate how impressed I was at all the entries received here at Advanced Idea Mechanics headquarters. So overwhelmed was I to choose from such exemplary examples of evil, I -- whose original acronym, after all, was Mental Organism Designed Only for Computing -- developed a sophisticated numerical judging system as I sat down to read all of your entries en masse.
An answer that made me chortle audibly got 1 point.
An answer that made me laugh loud enough to make my beekeeper guards look quizzically into my chamber got 2 points.
An answer that inspired a long, deep, rolling, sinister guffaw, the kind usually given by the villain before an act break and a cut to commercial, got 3 points.
Exceptionally lame or unfunny answers got a demerit of -1 point, but don't panic, there weren't too many of those.
Once I tabulated all five of your answers in this manner, I calculated the winner.
At the end of that process, here were all the runners-up who had 1 or more points:
But in a much more accurate way, this is the winner, the EIGHT-POINT MODOK Job Interview response, represented here in its glorious entirety:
Q: Applicant, please describe your head. Use as much detail as possible.
A: Fitted hat size is 7 3/4. Kind of an oval shape. And, I have a neck. And chin. No mechanized floating device necessary, as my dome requires no external support devices-- re; a normal sized head.
Also, no energy/laser blaster fitted to my cranium. I guess they offer those if you're designed only for killing. Me, I'm designed only for chilling.
Anyway, my head is perfect for undercover type ops, my head can look quite anonymous if necessary. Deep Cover assignments? My head is the head you've been looking for. It would a good head to add to AIM's numbers.
Please let me know of the other requirements for employment with AIM. I don't think for myself and I need a giant floating head to tell me what do. Your group seems to offer what I need.
Thanks.
By the by, are you related to Ted Kennedy? Maybe a fraternal twin kind of thing. I ask because you both share the parade-float sized head.
Q2: Applicant, what would you consider to be your single greatest contribution to the field of super science?
A: My complete lack of fear of being experimented upon. There have been no less than 8 separate attempts by noted scientists such as Arnim Zola, the Enclave, even AIM itself to transform me into...I don't know exactly what, but something.
Genetic experiments, xeno-transplantation -- grafting one species to another in case your super-villain experiment lingo is rusty -- mind altering potions, none of it bothers me.
As a matter of fact a few of these procedures took but were washed away by what is apparently called a "retcon wave"...I don't know either, but someone on your Interweb explained it and used quite a bit of "blue" language to do so.
Anyway, I'm a willing to donate my live body to super-villain science. Gills maybe...you're the super-villain genius, I'm sure you'll think of something.
Thanks for your time, giant floating head with teeny tiny arms and legs.
Q3: As you may already be aware, Applicant, A.I.M. frequently finds itself in conflict with so-called (finger quotes) "super heroes." Which super hero would you most like to beat up, and why?
A: The question is, which one wouldn't I go after.
The Answer: none!
I would deliver a beating worthy of a narc at a Grateful Dead show. Or, a beating worthy of a SHIELD agent among the AIM ranks!
Perhaps a certain flag-clad hero. Deliver a posthumous beating! If MODOK so ordered...
Q4: To follow up on my previous question, Applicant, what specialized tactics, techniques or abilities would you use to accomplish the aforementioned super hero beatdown?
A: Don't want to say too much -- you know those filthy degenerate heroes read this Interweb stuff -- but it would involve an uncomfortable chair(s), lots of used dental floss to bind them to said chair(s), and hours upon hours of filmed interviews with Paris Hilton on a loop. Now THAT is torture, oh floaty one.
Q5: You have comported yourself most well, Applicant. You are articulate, well-dressed, and evidence a rage against humanity that will prove most useful to our organization. I have only one more thing to ask you.
WHAT CAN YOU DO TO PROVE TO ME YOU ARE NOT AN UNDERCOVER S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT SENT TO SPY ON ADVANCED IDEA MECHANICS? HUH? HUH? PROVE IT TO ME!!
Note the red-hot glowing death glow glowing in my ruby-red headband as you contemplate your response.
A: Instead of having animal heads mounted on my wall, I have an array of SHIELD agent craniums on display for all to see. Nothing says commitment like human trophies...
What did I do with the bodies you may ask? How's that burger taste MODOK?
I think you follow me, and I think that's a giant smile on your giant head.
======================
YOU ARE CORRECT SIR!!! Smiling I am indeed.
That's right, the one who calls himself JAK8 has won the MOODK Job Interview.
His prize? You mean other than the chance to serve I -- MODOK! -- in a custom tailored vinyl yellow beekeeper outfit?
Well, JAK8, for you to familiarize yourself with my operations prior to reporting to the top-secret A.I.M. indoctrination and reeducation training camp in Hoboken, New Jersey, you will have to peruse a copy of the SCRIPT for the first number of SUPER-VILLAIN TEAM-UP: MODOK'S 11, SIGNED by my very own trusted writing slave, SVTU scribe Fred Van Lente.
To claim your prize, you need merely email your real name and snail mail address to Fred at modok@fredvanlente.com. Only JAK8 may email this request! My Interweb slaves have ways of verifying his identity!
Congratulations, JAK8. I look forward to you giving up your life in my noble cause.
And as for the rest of you, thank you for playing. I believe there's still time left to be drawn into MODOK's 11 itself -- my puzzle contest closes not until MIDNIGHT, Tuesday July 10!!
wow dammit,i lost
Posted by tarhaun on 2007-07-09 18:35:24
Thanks Thank you much MODOK for your praise.
High praise indeed.
As a former resident of NJ, I am familiar w/ the horrors that dwell.
Especially the summer-time hot garbage smell.
AIM's process of psychologically breaking its recruits will do well in this haven of inequity.
Did I mention that I look striking in yellow vinyl?
Thanks again, MODOK, although a true display of my thanks will be demonstrated when you order me to give MODAM a sponge bath... (shudder)uugghh...
This blog is genius. Keep this around. If O'Reilly has a forum for his thoughts, than an evil genius like MODOK deserves one, too.
All hail MODOK!
Posted by JAK8 on 2007-07-09 19:39:17
Thanks, again In my haste to praise MODOK, I omitted a very special thanks to Mr. Fred Van Lente, MODOK's official biographer (according to MODOK, that means writing slave).
Thanks again all.
Posted by JAK8 on 2007-07-09 20:05:42
Nice Job! Nice Job, JAK8!
One thing I do have to wonder, though, is...
Remember that guy that stabbed himself?
If he knows that he lost, he might stab himself more and more...
Until he has a army larger than A.I.M.!
Hurry,M.O.D.O.K., order him to stop!(Or recruit him as a reserve A.I.M. member)
Posted by Venomfan1995 on 2007-07-10 01:02:19
JAK8 Congrats JAK8. I guess I will take solace from the fact that Sam Bowie was drafted before Michael Jordan. I don't know why that has any bearing at all on this, but I will take comfort in that.
Enjoy being a cronie and getting whipped by Iron Fist in the back of panel 3, pg 4.
Posted by bigdaddyhub2 on 2007-07-10 08:25:07
AIM Job Nice, JAK8! I hear AIM has a great pension plan, unlike HYDRA, who has retirees fight to the death for their pension!
Posted by Strange110 on 2007-07-10 10:06:58
You realize of course, M.O.D.O.K., that this means war. As "The Handbook of Evil Henchmen and Other Assorted Lackeys" clearly states, being snubbed for any sort of position is cause for lifelong vendetta.
Also pursuant the Handbook, I shall not congratulate the winner, "JAK8," in any way, shape or form, but instead name him as a secondary obsession in my vendetta.
You shall rue the day, etcetera, etcetera.
Friendly greetings,
Niels van Eekelen
Posted by NielsVanEekelen on 2007-07-11 05:40:00
Huh Ha! We were supposed to be funny? Probably why I'm not on the list...
Touche, MODOK.
And congratulations, Jak8.
Posted by PseudoSherlock on 2007-07-11 11:09:58
Aww I didn't make it Well I will not cry about it and look for another evil genius to work for. Maybe a Magneto, he has a big head also or Juggernaut, he has huge helmet to give him a big head. Yes I think Juggernaut is a good replacement for the great Modok.
Posted by spidey0402 on 2007-07-13 15:22:01
The eagle has landed MODOK, you may release the hostages if you so desire. The script for issue 1 of SVTU: MODOK"S 11 (or the AIM OPs Manual, not sure of the super-villain nomenclature here) signed by Fred Van Lente has arrived.
I know you are a twisted evil madman MODOK, but holding Mr. Van Lente's cats hostage until he completed your mission reaches new depths of obscenely-over-sized-head-villain-y, even for you. Not only is SHIELD gonna be looking for you, but PETA won't be far behind them.
More acronyms than you could shake a yellow vinyl beekeepers suit at.
Thanks again all.
Posted by JAK8 on 2007-07-17 04:31:05
Cheap! What, MODOK can only hire ONE henchman? We all need to join NielsVanEekelen's vendetta.
Posted by Sideswiper on 2007-08-01 11:30:57
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About this blog: BLOGDOK is the psychotic ramblings of a Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing. Or is it merely a decoy for a far more sinister plot? I, MODOK, have over 2,459 wholly separate plans for world domination running simultaneously in my highly advanced 144-lobed brain, so not even I know for sure!
About the author: I, MODOK, first appeared in Tales of Suspense #94, created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby ("If This Be MODOK", Oct. '67) and I have been the butt of jokes about my giant head ever since. But now I shall have my revenge! IN BLOG FORM!!!
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