JORDAN EXPLAINS KRAVEN'S LAST HUNT TO NATE
2008-02-04 08:59:17
Welcome to Part…I dunno. Four? Let’s say Four.
For those of you that haven’t read the earlier posts (and really…don’t. You’ve got better things to do), this is how it works: I don’t read comics, because there are better things to do (eat, laundry, stare at someone that’s staring at paint drying).
But fair is fair, so I’m giving my buddy, Jordan, an opportunity to explain comic stories to me, and then I decide if it’s WR (Worth Reading) or WFI (Watch Football Instead).
Dig it? Let’s do it:
JORDAN EXPLAINS KRAVEN’S LAST HUNT
NATE: I read the What The!? version of this when I was little. Kraven was a bird and Spidey was a ham. I believe fried chicken was also involved. I bet the actual story wasn’t as much fun (100 words or less).
JORDAN: Kraven wants to settle his beef with Spidey once and for all. He grabs a gun and shoots Spidey down. Spidey isn’t expecting that, since Kraven never used guns before. He only shot him with crazy jungle drugs, but he buries Spidey anyway. Kraven takes Spidey’s place, to prove he’s superior. He catches the “cannibal kiler” Spidey hadn’t stopped (actually Vermin). When Spidey digs his way out after two weeks, Kraven tells him he beat Vermin when Spidey couldn’t. He releases Vermin, to prove it. Spidey does beat Vermin, and (so doing) Kraven. Kraven escapes, completely defeated, and kills himself.
NATE: What’s Kraven ultimately want? He’s hunting Spidey, right? Is the endgame for Kraven to eat Pete?
JORDAN: Not necessarily. He just wants to prove himself. Kraven thinks of himself as the ultimate hunter, and Spider-Man is the only prey that has ever eluded him. He’s killed all manner of wildlife with his bare hands, but he can’t beat this one guy. So, he’s determined to show that he is superior, and he gets a little metaphysical about it, and starts to feel like… “I must become the Spider to conquer the Spider,” hence the whole taking his place thing. And… while he does not plan to eat Peter, part of becoming the Spider does involve going naked into a room full of spiders and eating some of them.
NATE: How do we KNOW he didn’t plan on eating Peter? Seems like the next logical step. Is there any evidence disproving that when Kraven buried Spidey, the coffin was actually a giant underground rotisserie?
JORDAN: Er... only the fact that he was down there for two weeks and didn't cook. That would be a pretty slow roast. While he was buried, like I said, he was drugged up with Kraven's crazy jungle drugs, which is what kept him alive but unable to move and such. He was also hallucinating up a storm, dreaming about being a Spider, and also about the recently deceased Ned Leeds. And meanwhile, Mary Jane is wondering where the heck he is, since this is right after they got mar-... uh... right after they very nearly got married, but didn't for reasons we have yet to learn.
NATE: So he dug himself out? Like Uma in Kill Bill 2? That’s dumb. Couldn’t he’ve just made a deal with Satan to get him out of the coffin? That’d be SO less messy.
JORDAN: I guess Satan was sleeping on the job that day. No, he clawed his way to the surface the old fashioned way, leading to the awesome image of Spidey (in his black non-living costume) coming up from the grave in front of a “Here Lies Spider-Man” headstone. It’s weird, because on the one hand, Kraven lost, because Spidey was able to overcome everything. On the other hand, he shot Spidey and buried him. He could just as easily have killed him. There was a really cool “What If” exploring what would happen if Kraven had just killed him… and yes, Nate, just for you… In that story, Kraven does eat Spider-Man.
NATE: See, I knew it was all leadin’ to that.
Hang on, the headstone actually read “Here Lies Spider-Man”? Did Kraven actually take the time to buy a burial plot and commission the chiseling of this headstone, or did he do it himself?
JORDAN: Yeah, it really says that. And “Slain by the Hunter” under it, if I recall correctly. I am going to say he probably paid for it. He’s rich, he can afford it. Plus, they show a guy digging the graves (Spidey’s and Kraven’s) so he’s definitely paying out something for all this. My guess is there is some Funeral Director off panel thinking to himself “Whatever you say, eccentric rich Russian guy, so long as your check clears I’ll make you a grave for the Easter Bunny and Santa as well.”
NATE: Havin’ trouble buyin’ this.
Spidey’s supposed to be the GREATEST prey in all the world? Who determined this? Kraven? Outdoor Monthly?
And seriously, I don’t care what kinda spider-enhancement Pete’s got…you mean to tell me burying Spider-Man is the GREATEST achievement you can attain in all of Marvel huntingdom? Hulk’s a pretty easy catch? Thor’s easy pickins?
JORDAN: Well, no one ever hired Kraven to catch the Hulk*. He went after Spidey and lost, and it was the only time that had happened to him. It was a matter of Pride and Honor. Yeah, if you hired Kraven to catch Fin Fang Foom, he probably would have lost that, too. But no one did. It’s like Moby Dick- Spidey was his white whale, his “one that got away”. He became obsessed with overcoming his one failure.
(*incidentally, that would be a cool story… though if we were to tell it, the continuity of this issue dictates Kraven would HAVE to win, and defeat the Hulk!)
NATE: If I’m Kraven, and I’m wearing that big lion boa thing, I would think that dressing like a lady-man would negate my dishonorable showing when I tried to eat a dude dressed like a spider.
Well, I don’t like huntin’. My dad always tried to get me to shoot deer, but my contention was always that if they’re not armed, I shouldn’t be either. And Kraven seems like a pretty massive waste’a cheetah pants, so…
WFI? Wow...I can't believe you dissed Kraven's Last Hunt. That's pretty horrible. Wouldn't you rather be working on Alabama Football annuals and programs?
Posted by bigdaddyhub2 on 2008-02-04 11:23:11
While I disagree and think that Last Hunt is definitely worth a read, your blog continues to be hilarious! Keep the posts coming!
-LOTRKing
Posted by LOTRKing on 2008-02-04 11:59:49
Honestly, KLH is a well-told story, but it is VASTLY overrated. I think that the people who love it had never read anything like it before. It does have a strong atmosphere to it.
Posted by Fetsur on 2008-02-04 17:50:38
Wow, I can't believe Maximum Carnage got in, and this was passed on. I'm... shocked.
Posted by Jordan D. White on 2008-02-04 23:07:44
Muah ha ha ha ha... "...since this is right after they got mar-... uh... right after they very nearly got married, but didn't for reasons we have yet to learn..." And, "...couldn’t he’ve just made a deal with Satan to get him out of the coffin?..." Lol, priceless!
Posted by whos_the_champ on 2008-02-04 23:59:27
Dear Gods in heaven. I'm at a friends house so I cannot make this post long--but are you wearing SANDALS in your Kraven costume?
Suddenly I understand how/why you write a blog to bag out the work of previous marvel creative teams.
I mean I used to think it was just because you couldn't hold a candle to them--but now I get it--its because they used to kick your butt growing up--isn't it?
Posted by Doop+Molly on 2008-02-06 02:23:21
That's not Nate.
Thankfully.
Posted by Jordan D. White on 2008-02-06 07:53:29
wow people getting really upset about what's supposed to be a funny post just because things were said you don't agree with. sheesh.
i thought every thing said about KLH here was hilarious.
Posted by doncorswhazie on 2008-02-06 12:46:55
WootMuhahahahahahahahahaha What nate's saying is that in one What If
Kraven is a Canible? hahahahahaaha whoo that's funny HI I'M
Kraven and i am going to drug you and eat youHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Posted by Ultimate Blaze on 2008-02-07 06:30:28
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About this blog: By day, he’s a mild-mannered comic book editor! By night, he’s an obsessive sports fan!
By early morning, he drinks coffee and then runs! He’s Nathan Cosby, and he has thoughts about things.
This is them.
About the author: When Associate Editor Nathan Cosby is not thinking about football, he edits Marvel’s All-Ages books, including the Marvel Adventures line (Spidey, FF, Avengers, Super Heroes), X-Men and Wolverine First Class, Franklin Richards, Mini Marvels, and Power Pack, works on the Marvel Illustrated and Stephen King books, does the Custom Comics, and runs Super Hero Squad. There’s like 20 other things he does, but he’s bored with typing this.
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