To all those who HAVEN’T been buying NEXTWAVE–
Thanks a lot, jerks! This is the last issue! To all those who HAVE been buying NEXTWAVE– YOU RULE!! Do not miss this pulse-pounding conclusion to the greatest work of western literature EVER! Hamlet? Horrible. War and Peace? What-a-joke! The Great Gatsby? The Great Lame-by, maybe. Those works are going to be moved to the Bad Section of your local bookstores after this issue comes out. Don't miss this or you won’t know what your children’s children are reading in school.
32 PGS./Parental Advisory …$2.99
"NOT A CIVIL WAR TIE IN"
Freedom or safety? Secrets or celebrity? Iron Man or Captain America? WE DON’T CARE! What care we for freedom OR safety when there are things that need to be kicked and exploded! Yes, “explode” can now be used as a verb. DEAL WITH IT!
32 PGS./Parental Advisory ...$2.99
The book that all smart and good-looking people buy! Want to be smart and good-looking? BUY THIS BOOK! It’s more important to the Marvel Universe than CIVIL WAR! I swear! Cross my heart, and such!
32 PGS./Parental Advisory ...$2.99
This solicitation text will be in the form of haiku:
Nextwave fights Beyond
Who has hired Not Brand Echh,
ACTION, SURPRISES!
I hope you have a box of tissues handy, because I know you must be crying.
32 PGS./Parental Advisory ...$2.99
Not in this issue: The Nextwave squad runs a marathon! Who wins? Who loses? Who crawls over the finish line? Also, they drink lots of Bromo-Fizz!
In this issue: Oh, no! The Mindless Ones are loose in an American Town and only Nextwave can stop them! Watch people get kicked and things explode!
Isn’t what happens more exciting than what doesn’t happen? LIFE IS GREAT!
32 PGS./Parental Advisory ...$2.99
What? You haven’t read the first six issues of NEXTWAVE: AGENTS OF H.A.T.E.? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? Here’s a quick rundown of what you missed: SuperheroesfightingexplosionsexAvengersFinFang- Foomgiantflyingsubmarinemonstrositiesforme- rX-ForcebabeexplosionskickingMachineManpunching- giantevilcoprobotshotEnglishchicksecret- terroristorganizationsEXPLOSIONS! Whew! And that’s only six issues! But don’t worry! It’s never too late to join the party! In this issue, the Nextwave Squad faces an army of Mindless Ones!!! Yes, insanely powerful stone men without faces! You cannot miss it!
32 PGS./Parental Advisory ...$2.99
Dirk Anger loves you. He bought you flowers and candy. Did you get them? He HATES Nextwave, though. He’s created lots of things to kill them deader than Elvis. Much deader. Can Nextwave survive this? And more importantly, will you return Dirk Anger’s calls?
32 PGS./Parental Advisory ...$2.99
“The joy h.a.t.e. club”
It has been proven: NEXTWAVE is better than soap! NEXTWAVE has super heroes. Soap doesn’t. NEXTWAVE has Dirk Anger and his evil organization H.A.T.E.. Soap? Nope. NEXTWAVE has a battle between H.A.T.E. and Nextwave in #4. Soap is only at #2 with no H.A.T.E. at all! NEXTWAVE has all of your family members held ransom. Soap doesn’t even know your family. Four out of five dentists prefer Nextwave to soap. In fact, they were so emphatic in their preference, they beat up the fifth dentist and he fell in line. So five out of five dentists prefer NEXTWAVE. So will you! Part 1 (of 2)!
32 PGS./Parental Advisory ...$2.99
Put your thinking caps on, you naughty children. MATH TIME!!! Try to solve this equation: Corrupt policeman + giant, hungry robot ÷ Manhattan clam chowder × (origin of The Captain – logic) + Y + a chair³= YOUR FAVORITE BOOK. Solve for “Y”. Nope. Y ≠ a 1979 Volkswagon Rabbit. Y = explosions. HAVEN’T YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION?
ATTENTION SCUM!! It’s a special issue of NEXTWAVE. The characters learn the values of compassion, kindness and 5-megaton nuclear weapons! KABOOOOMM!!!! Forget about compassion and kindness, NEXTWAVE #3 has dirty cops, giant deranged robots, enormous guns and schoolchildren! Pulitzer Prize, HERE WE COME!!!
32 PGS./Parental Advisory ...$2.99
This Wednesday, WEDNESDAY, Wendnesday!! Witness the fight to end all fights!!! (Well, until next issue.) Aaron Stack (just don’t call him Machine Man) takes on Fin Fang Foom in a knock-down drag-out slug-fest! While his robotic body digests in Fin’s belly, the rest of the NEXTWAVE squad has to defeat the deadly Human Resource Department of their former bosses, the Highest Anti-Terroism Effort (H.A.T.E.)! PLUS: Things explode!! Pick up the comic that had Albert Einstein saying, “I haven’t had this much fun since my college days at Eidgenِssische Technische Hochschule!”