By Jim Beard
Both Greg Pak and Fred Van Lente want to know who'd whup who in a bevy of bust-ups between the Hulk and Hercules—but there seems to be a few differences of opinion!
The two Monsters of Mash throw down in the new HULK VS. HERCULES: WHEN TITANS CLASH one-shot due out April 23 courtesy of Pak and Van Lente, but that's a physical match…how do Hulk and Herc stack up in other, shall we say esoteric
Glad you asked! We at Marvel.com loaded the writers up with a short list of skirmishes and asked them to tell us who'd come out on top—Ol' Greenskin or Ol' Godskirt?!
Name That Tune: The notes fly and the songs identified!
"Herc! He's been in enough bars over the last 3000 years to have every jukebox memorized. And he can differentiate between five
different covers of 'Brown-Eyed Girl'!"
Hulk only really knows one tune—the beautiful sound of smashing puny humans
Chess: Scintillating stratagems with smallish statues!
That's a race to see which one of them would knock over the board first. That doesn't really count as winning, though, so I guess that one's a draw.
But Hulk would definitely
win at checkers.
Bowling: Set 'em up and knock 'em down!
Van Lente: Hulk smash puny ten-pins
These guys actually bowl 300 every single time. But the Hulk gets disqualified more often for collateral damage to the facility. Advantage Herc!
HALO: The ultimate test of virtual reality destruction!
Hercules. He's the I.T. expert so he can cheat using a patch or something.
Hulk doesn't see the point of smashing people via digital avatars. He'd just haul off and punch Herc midway through the game.
Hunting for action figures: Scalpers scurry from those who desire plastic pleasure!
Do you hunt for action figures? What, for the succulent white meat? Well, given how well Herc did with the Cattle of Geryon in his tenth labor, I guess I'm going with the Greek Goliath again.
Actually, I'm going to give this one to the Hulk. 'Cause when he's hunched over those boxes of figures in the Wizard World dealers room, there's just no room for anyone else to get in there. Table hog wins!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies: Shortbread and peanut butter sandwich – yum!
Hercules. Better smile and chicks dig him. If you said "extorting money for Girl Scout cookies in exchange for not smashing your house down," I'd have to go with the Hulk.
Although we shouldn't discount the powerful sympathy factor that could kick in if Hulk's in Sad Hulk mode.
And lastly – Marvel Comics trivia: 'Nuff said!
That's another race to the bottom. Trivia to Hulk and Hercules is, you know, bullets and anger management. Neither of them have great memories for who their friends and foes are.
But Hulk would win! Because whenever anyone asked who won whatever battle, he'd say, "Hulk did." And he'd usually be right. And if he were wrong, no one in the room would be particularly interested in correcting him.
Despite their picks, the two gentlemen writers seem to know their Battling Behemoths well, as the storyline of the upcoming HULK VS. HERCULES: WHEN TITANS CLASH more than proves.
"It tells an untold tale from when Hulk was wandering the dimensional nexus and seeds major themes and characters for the upcoming 'Sacred Invasion' arc of INCREDIBLE HERCULES, so should not be missed by fans of either the Green or the Greek Goliath," sayeth Van Lente.
"We'd been marveling for months about the similarities between Hercules and the Hulk—this one-shot gave us a chance to explore their shocking differences as well," addeth Pak.
HULK VS. HERCULES: WHEN TITANS CLASH bursts upon the scene April 23, with Pak and Van Lente and aided and abetted by Khoi Pham, Reilly Brown, Eric Nguyen, and Bob Layton. For more of Herc and Hulk, check out Marvel Digital Comics Unlimited.