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| Wolverine & The X-Men #9 art by Chris Bachalo |
ATTENTION PLEASE! ATTENTION! The Jean Grey School Twitter Event is about to begin. Please take your seats!
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
I hope you've all got your reports. We'll start when everyone sits down.
Quentin Quire @QQuire:
I don't do reports--I draft MANIFESTOS.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
Hello and welcome to the latest Jean Grey School twitter event! I’m Headmistress Kitty Pryde @JGSHeadmistress.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
To properly enjoy this live tweeting event, make sure you’re following this list or all the characters on it! https://twitter.com/#!/JeanGreySchool/jean-grey-school.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
Today is a very special event where students are going to be sharing their work.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
Just last week, the students attended an Intergalactic Studies Seminar and have all prepared reports to share on individual topics.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
So let’s get started. First, roll call.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
@GenesisHero?
Genesis @GenesisHero:
Here, Headmistress Pryde.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
@KidGladiator1?
Kid Gladiator @KidGladiator1:
Here and VERY excited to begin!
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
Really. Hmmm. @QQuire?
Quentin Quire @QQuire:
I have been in detention in this room since 9:00 AM or I’d have certainly been late.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
@Idie_Okonkwo?
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| Wolverine & The X-Men #9 art by Chris Bachalo |
Present, Headmistress Pryde.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
@_broodling_?
Broo @_broodling_:
For the first time, I feel very similarly to @KidGladiator1. Excited to begin!
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
@SANTORULES?
Rockslide @SANTORULES:
Oh, HECK yeah!
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
Alright, then. @_Anole_?
Anole @_Anole_:
Here, @JGSHeadmistress.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
@GlobHerman?
Glob Herman @GlobHerman:
Here, but my computer totally crashed and my report totally got lost.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
Of course it did, @GlobHerman. That’s an F. @AngelMetalWings?
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
@AngelMetalWings?
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
That’s strange. Has anyone seen Angel?
Genesis @GenesisHero:
Not since Breakfast, Miss Pryde.
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| Wolverine & The X-Men #9 art by Chris Bachalo |
We’ll take a look around for him, but let’s begin this class. Who would like to go first?
Kid Gladiator @KidGladiator1:
I shall start as my report is the best one and the one most founded in firsthand experience.
Kid Gladiator @KidGladiator1:
It is entitled “HOW TO THROTTLE ALL OPPOSING ALIEN BEINGS”.
Kid Gladiator @KidGladiator1:
To beat up a Badoon simply avoid their pistols, grab them by their freakish brows or ridiculous ears and head-butt them. Done.
Kid Gladiator @KidGladiator1:
To beat up a Dire Wraith, first you must identify the filthy shapeshifters. Smelling them out is a good method.
Kid Gladiator @KidGladiator1:
Then you can simply grab the antennae and, like the Badoon, head-butt the beast. Done.
Kid Gladiator @KidGladiator1:
To beat up a Kree, I suggest a headlock accompanied by repetitive punching or a sleeper hold to keep them from getting Nitrogen. Done.
Kid Gladiator @KidGladiator1:
To beat up a Rigellian is more complicated, due to their silly mind control power.
Kid Gladiator @KidGladiator1:
I suggest filling your mind with filth and, once the big headed fool is stunned, a solid punch in the nose.
Kid Gladiator @KidGladiator1:
To defeat a Space Phantom is tricky, due to their ability to take others forms.
Kid Gladiator @KidGladiator1:
If you suspect a Space Phantom, I suggest punching everyone in your vicinity and using the process of elimination.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
Okay, that’s sufficient, Kubark. We get the picture. @_Anole_?
Anole @_Anole_:
So I decided to write my report on a subject near and dear to my heart. The title:
Anole @_Anole_:
GREEN GUYS AREN'T ALWAYS BAD GUYS: THE SKRULLS, THE BADOON AND ME. A Report by Victor Borkowski.
Kid Gladiator @KidGladiator1:
@_Anole_ This is patently false.
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| Wolverine & The X-Men #9 art by Chris Bachalo |
When discussing the myriad races that populate the universe, it is impossible to avoid the subject of physical appearance.
Anole @_Anole_:
We typically rely on the distinguishing physical features of a being to identify them, thereby focusing on the most relevant information.
Anole @_Anole_:
Because of the atrocities historically committed by the Skrulls and the Badoon, we perhaps unfairly label these races as “evil.”
Anole @_Anole_:
And because we primarily identify these races by their green skin, we semantically shorthand “green skin” to mean “evil.”
Anole @_Anole_:
This is then reinforced in popular culture by fiction like The Wizard of Oz, whose villain is the green-skinned witch.
Anole @_Anole_:
We need to abandon this practice for one where we fairly view individuals on their earned reputations and not just default to shorthand.
Anole @_Anole_:
To do otherwise would be a slight to green-skinned alien heroes such as Mantis, Xavin and Hulkling.
Anole @_Anole_:
And speaking to you, my mutant peers, in particular, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to be guilty of giving anyone an unfair shake.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
Thank you, @_anole_.
Quentin Quire @QQuire:
@_Anole_ Next you're gonna say not to judge @_broodling_ by his race's desire to eat everyone else.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
While I’m pretty sure you just wanted to use this report as another excuse to tell @SANTORULES to stop calling you “Greenie Meanie”…
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
The broader message is also well-received.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
How about @SANTORULES, next?
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| Wolverine & The X-Men #9 art by Chris Bachalo |
Good afternoon everyone. I found the Intergalactic Studies Seminar to be scintillating.
Rockslide @SANTORULES:
Thusly, I am VERY excited to share my report with all of my colleagues.
Rockslide @SANTORULES:
This special report is entitled: CHOOSING AN INTERGALACTIC CONSORT. I just learned that awesome word.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
Wait a second, are you kidding me?
Rockslide @SANTORULES:
First of all, I don’t want anyone out there to think that this is speciesist or anything. All aliens are beautiful in their own way.
Rockslide @SANTORULES:
But some are better suited to be consorts for awesome dudes like me.
Rockslide @SANTORULES:
I would suggest choosing a shape shifting alien like a Skrull or Space Phantom or a Dire Wraith. Or Mystique, if she weren't evil.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
Okay, I think we can cut this report short.
Rockslide @SANTORULES:
That way they can look however you WANT them to look and could even have crazy things like three—
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
THAT IS ENOUGH, SANTO! WE GET IT!
Rockslide @SANTORULES:
But I was just getting started!
Quentin Quire @QQuire:
@SANTORULES Nice.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
How about @GenesisHero ? Evan, take it away!
Genesis @GenesisHero:
My report is entitled “Overcoming Breeding: Shi’Ar Majestrix Lilandra”
Genesis @GenesisHero:
One could say that the late empress of the Shi’Ar, Lilandra Neramani was destined to be a terrible and terrifying ruler.
Genesis @GenesisHero:
Her sister Deathbird was exiled after killing their mother and sister and tried to take the Shi’Ar throne for years.
Kid Gladiator @KidGladiator1:
@GenesisHero: Also, she is hot.
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| Wolverine & The X-Men #9 art by Chris Bachalo |
Her brother D’Ken was a mad tyrant who did awful things to the universe.
Genesis @GenesisHero:
But Lilandra, who shared the blood of these two, was a freedom fighter, a benevolent empress and a hero.
Quentin Quire @QQuire:
@GenesisHero I expect old Lilly to go postal any day now...
Genesis @GenesisHero:
This just goes to show that our blood and genes don’t define who we are or what we do. Only we can define that.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
What a thoughtful report. Thank you very much. Next we have @QQuire.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
As Mr. Quire and I discussed, he will be discussing the differences between Rigellian mind control and mutant telepathy.
Quentin Quire @QQuire:
I changed my mind, Headmistress. My new topic is “What I Learned While Robbing a Space Casino with The Headmaster.”
Quentin Quire @QQuire:
First, it is way easy to run tables using the Headmaster-suggested method of illegal telepathic maneuvers.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
Well, that’s it. End of report. Start of detention. Next is @idie_okonkwo. Thank God.
Idie @idie_okonkwo:
My report is entitled “The Mysteries of the Phoenix Force.”
Idie @idie_okonkwo:
The Phoenix is a force of cosmic destruction. Sometimes it takes the form of a big fiery bird.
Idie @idie_okonkwo:
Other times it bonds with a host. Like Jean Grey. And since then… lots people who look like Jean Grey.
Idie @idie_okonkwo:
It likes to blow things up. It once destroyed an entire planet of broccoli people.
Idie @idie_okonkwo:
But some mutants believe that the Phoenix isn’t just a force for destruction.
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| Wolverine & The X-Men #9 art by Chris Bachalo |
According to the Internet, some believe it was also somehow responsible for the birth of Hope Summers,
Idie @idie_okonkwo:
Also for the first new mutants to be found in a very long time.
Idie @idie_okonkwo:
May I just say, as one of those new mutants, I’ve never met any sort of Phoenix Force before
Idie @idie_okonkwo:
Though when I called to ask Hope about it, she did get strangely quiet.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
Thank you, Idie. A splendid report. All right, who’s next? Ah, yes. @_broodling_!
Broo @_broodling_:
That was a wonderful report @idie_okonkwo. Fantastic insight. Just wanted to say that before starting my report.
Broo @_broodling_:
“Oh, to fly among the stars!” A detailed oral history of the Nova Corps…
Broo @_broodling_:
…and a reasoned explanation for why I should be allowed to join their esteemed ranks, by Broo the Brood.
Broo @_broodling_:
The Nova Corps itself was started centuries ago…
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| Wolverine & The X-Men #9 cover by Chris Bachalo |
I’m going to have to interrupt you, @_broodling_. What is Captain America doing here?
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
Sorry folks, but we’re going to have to cut this short. Sorry, @_Broodling_ .
Broo @_broodling_:
Don’t worry. I’ll post the complete report on my blog as well as put it up for ebook downloads.
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
I have to go check on the Star Spangled Avenger, so that's going to have to end this Twitter Event. We hope you found it educational!
Jean Grey School @JeanGreySchool:
Our next event will be in a couple weeks! Pay attention to this account for more details!
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