|I demanded High Moon give me a gun so big, even my buddy Cable would be jealous|
When I set out to make my very first video game, I made it very clear to the developers at High Moon Studios (whose name sadly has nothing to do with high-fives between two bare butts) that we needed plenty of face-melting violence, a body count that would make Apocalypse jealous, and of course more of my handsome mug than the average brain can process. (Also…tacos.)
Luckily for High Moon, they delivered in spades—otherwise I would’ve been delivering a few caskets to their office doors! Instead, I get to run around shooting people in the face and blowing things up! Ever want to watch me endlessly slap an unconscious Wolverine? We’ve got that. The hottest lady around, Death, serenading me? Got it. Cable as a taco? NOWHERE ELSE BUT HERE, BAYBEE!!
|Me looking AWESOME in my video game|
One of the great things about holding your developers’ families hostage being the boss is that you’ve got complete freedom, meaning I get to run around breaking the fourth wall as much as I like. It’ll be like I’m sitting there with you on the couch, eating all your food and never letting you forget that I’m way better at this game than you are, better looking than you are, and can shish-kabob Mister Sinister’s mutate clones better than you can.
And speaking of bringing the pain, my combo moves will send heads spinning—literally, in the case of the dudes’ noggins I send rolling across the blood-splattered floor—and all without any of that overly complicated down-right-A-A-X-trigger-blah-blah-blah crap. Because who has time to learn all that when there are so many handmade explosives that need putting together?
|Me trying to teach Cable how to have fun|
My favorite idea that I gave to High Moon was to include bio videos for some of our guest stars like Cable (even if they’re not as important as me). Nate’s backstory gives me migraines, so I wrote a simpler, more condensed version, and frankly Mr. “I’m the baby of Cyclops and Jean Grey’s clone that was sent to the future then came back as an uptight no-fun boob” should thank me for it.
Playing through the whole game, a tear came to my eye when I felt like a proud papa watching his baby boy step out into the world and, shiny new katanas in hand, painted the town red on his very own.
You don’t want me coming to your door and paying you a visit, so get my game now for Xbox 360, PlayStation 3 or PC – hell, buy one of each – to experience the guaranteed Deadpool-iest game of the year!
Final rating: 1,000,000 Chimichangas out of 5 (that oughta up the Metacritic…)